Losing my Purr

  • I’m managing to do a bit more exercise wise each day and must try today to blog about it more regularly so I see progress. I’m not sure what will happen now with physiotherapy though as the private physiotherapist I saw last week said he couldn’t help while I was in so much pain still.

    I saw my surgeon on Thursday. I knew things were not right but I didn’t know why. There are things I could do – lying on my side, lying flat on my back, lifting bent knees up – walking! – that I just cannot do any more without a lot of pain. He could barely believe what I had been told by the physiotherapist – especially one who was being paid privately.

    Anyway, it wasn’t very good news so I’m feeling a bit low just now. My hips are fine – he got me to lie down and moved them in the socket – no pain and therefore not the problem. It’s my spine. He thinks that I have had a back problem for a while but it has been masked by my arthritic hips. Now they are repositioned correctly and I have been relearning to walk after surgery my spine issue has flared up instead. We can’t see my spine on the hip x ray, and so that will need to be done, but we can see that my pelvis is crooked. Now I think about it, I have had back ache for many years, but it was just aching and usually helped with some yoga stretching and occasional pain relief. This is a whole different ball game now.

    He said it was unlucky to need both hips doing but to have pain in both sides of my back is very unlucky. It seems the pain I have in groin and stopping me increasingly lying flat on my back and on my sides is referred nerve pain from vertebrae that are more than likely crushing them. My 2 inch height loss is and the movements he did with my legs certainly point to loss of cartilage in, and collapsing of, my spine and possibly slipped discs.

    My knee is also bone on bone – I saw the pictures! No point in that being touched for now as it is just adding further stress and strain, and if it isn’t going to help my mobility overall there is little point in going through yet more major surgery.

    I have to see my GP about scans and different anti inflammatories – although that’s a story in itself. To book an appointment ahead there are 3 early appointments a day. These are booked up for the next month. I can no longer book online anyway without going to the surgery, that I can’t get to because I can’t drive, to fill in new forms. I have to telephone on the day at 08:00. If I don’t get in early I won’t get an appointment and chances are I may not get to see my own doctor who knows me and what is going on. If I can’t get an appointment that day because they have all gone, and chances are they will because my doctor is on a course, is only in for 2 days anyway, and so it is a short surgery, then you go through the whole process of joining a queue to try to get through the next morning. It is a system prejudiced against anyone who works or has a family to get ready for school in the morning, or who has a long term condition and needs to see the same GP regularly.

    Anyway, as I said, my surgeon couldn’t believe what the physiotherapist told me last week and has referred me to someone else, though it will be also be private. I’ve cancelled the NHS appointment with the physiotherapist who told me he couldn’t help. Quite honestly I don’t care so long as they get me walking and moving. The spine issue is just a fact of life now – probably not operable, a matter for ongoing pain management – and I feel a bit as though a life sentence has been passed. However, you never know what medical science will come up with in the future and perhaps I won’t spend the rest of my life deteriorating quite as my mother has. I rather hope not as I have an adult son with autism to care for for as much of his life as I can. I just have to find a way to make the best of a bad job now but I’ve temporarily lost my purr. For now we’ll see what the new physiotherapist  says next week and keep up the Pilates. I am slightly motivated by a Pilates teacher years ago who told me she had been in a car accident and told she wouldn’t walk again. With Pilates she was not only walking but teaching Pilates!

    However just now I can’t face the forum and all their lovely positive stories – I’m too disappointed that my life is not going to improve so much after all. Goodbye the chances of fell walking and climbing Snowdon with my lovely cousin 😦 


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s