Feeling low

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I’ve been feeling a bit low for the past week. I seem to remember a bit of post op blues last time, but I think this is going on longer. There could be a number of reasons.

I’m more sore. I’m getting about better – I’m no longer using a crutch in the house except for stairs and walking slowly to try to keep my gait smooth and avoid a limp, but still able to do some things for myself – but my wound after 3 weeks is still very sore and a bit weepy, my muscles, while stronger are sore and achy too.

I know my knee needs replacing too and it hurts still to walk on that, but I can’t see me putting myself through this again for a while at the moment.

The weather is dark and gloomy and wet. In summer at least I could take myself out to the garden in the sunshine and everything felt much brighter, but now I’m stuck in the house and fed up. I can’t even go out into the garden or take a bit of exercise walking along the road with my crutches.

My husband is back at work full time and so I’m on my own, and of course being out and busy he does not need to know I am struggling here.

Period time is always a bad time and I’ve lost quite a lot of blood over the past few days thanks to the blood thinning tablets.

I look at the hip replacement forum everyday, but I’ve lost my motivation to try to support others, which feels awful, yet I don’t want to tell anyone how grim I’m feeling either. Not having anyone to talk to feels bad, but I’m not a person who can talk to others about myself anyway, so a bit of a catch 22 there. I need to find the energy to be ‘normal’ for a student tutorial later and that’s probably about as much as I can muster.

If I could get comfortable in bed, I’d go and curl up there under the duvet and try to sleep away the next few weeks 😦

This last 3 weeks has dragged like 3 months. sad

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