The Hidden Landscape


A week today I’ll be back in theatre again – the operating theatre – not the stage 🙂 I’m not sure which is most scary!

My husband was asking me this morning how I felt about it, and I’m not really very sure. Part of me just wants to get through all this and out the other side. Another part of me thinks – well I’ve done it all before, I know what to expect now. What I actually said was that I was a bit concerned that I was not having enough pain for a major surgery. My left hip aches, but I wouldn’t say it was particularly painful. Now I may find afterwards that I had more of a problem with it than I thought, but this surgery feels more like a means to an end. 

It is still my left knee that is painful. This is what stops me walking and exercising and wakes me up at night. My right hip is still sore, despite surgery and I’m contemplating surgery for a hip that may be no better for it.

Or will it? When my right hip was replaced my surgeon corrected a dysplasia I didn’t know I had. My femur sat too upright in the socket and so it wore quickly and unevenly. The left hip was nearly bone on bone at the x ray months ago and may well be there by now. Certainly a few months back I got a sudden sharp pain that doesn’t quite go away, it clicks and I get achy pains in my lower back and down my left leg.

The plan is to have my hips corrected before attempting my knees. Apparently knees are much trickier and my left knee has a better chance of improvement after replacement if my hips are already fine again. So it’s a means to an end.

I may be more anxious than I think. I’m finding it difficult to concentrate – well more than usual anyway! – and am about ready to tear someones head off – or curl up and hide under a duvet. Things that usually I would be calm about and brush off are really bugging me and keeping me awake at night. I may be projecting!

For my last week I’m making the most of things i won’t be able to do again for a few weeks. Lie on my side, sit with my feet up, cross my legs (that hurts!) … 

At least I’ll have symmetrical scars! bhr_banner


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