Just biding my time.

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Well, tomorrow is the day. I’m feeling a bit sick to be honest and wasting time pottering doing things that don’t need doing and ignoring those that do. I can’t concentrate and I’m just watching the clock go round.

I woke this morning thinking that in 24 hours I would have to be up and already on my way to the hospital. Then a couple of hours ago the hospital phoned to tell me not to go in until 12:00 tomorrow as my surgery wouldn’t be until the afternoon. Not what you want to hear when you are already clock watching, but at least it’s only a difference of a few hours and not cancelled or delayed until another day. I’m trying to think of the positives – I don’t have to be up so early – although if I want any breakfast it has to be before 7am. I can have my breakfast juice and tablets and the last chapter of the Fellowship of the Ring with my son before I go. I can shower and have my own towel dry to take. I won’t be in such a hurry. I will still be sleepy and sleep hopefully all tomorrow night … I’m sure their are many more positives.

I’ve been going back through all the paperwork too and reading about anaesthetics. There is an option of having epidural, either with or without sedative. Can you imagine being awake through this? I suppose if there was absolutely no choice, but I’m afraid I want to know nothing about it at all. In addition, the nurse told me that if I was to have an epidural I might not be able to move my legs for a while, which would mean difficulty in using a bedpan and so those who had epidural often required a catheter – an additional risk of infection. I think everything is pointing towards a general anaesthetic all being well. Of course, I had also hoped I would be one of those able to get up to at least stand tomorrow afternoon, but with surgery not until then it certainly won’t be until the next morning.

I’m making up for the possibility of starving not only for hours, but as a vegetarian in hospital, for the next few days! I’ve done little other than eat today. I’m feeling very nervous, I’m on my own and I’m comfort eating. As my plan 6 weeks ago to lose 7 lbs before my surgery is a long way from being achieved – I’ve actually put 3 lbs on (!) then it seems a bit pointless doing anything about it now.

Those things that need doing – one of them is packing. I’ve stripped the bed and washed the bedding but not re made it. I’ve got clothes lying around the bedroom but haven’t even decided what to put them in. I’ve sorted some toiletries but not others. There is a feeling of needing some of these things later and in the morning and so what is the point. With my admission being delayed I suppose I’m also thinking I’ve got tomorrow morning to get organised too – but I suppose that time is going to disappear very quickly.

It’s 17:00 now. I suppose this time I can probably think that in 24 hours it will be done and I will be sleepy, but looking ahead to getting better so I can get on and have the other hip and knee replaced as quickly as possible. I guess I will also know whether I have been lucky enough to get away with a resurfacing or whether it will be a complete replacement. 

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