Limbo

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This is where I feel I am at the moment. I wonder how it would have felt if I’d been put onto a longer waiting list and didn’t know when my first surgery would happen. I’ve been very lucky being given a date straight away and only having to wait a few weeks. It’s now only 12 days to my first hip replacement/resurfacing. It still feels like ages away, yet at the same time very close.

The pain has become considerably worse in the last couple of weeks. Now when I get up in the morning I’m so stiff I cannot stand up straight. I stretch my back and shoulders and legs, but by the time I get downstairs I struggle around the kitchen to make breakfast. If my back is straightened my knees bend instead to compensate. It gets slightly better over the day, but worse again if I am on my feet too long. It has been like this for some time, especially if I tried to walk too far, but while ‘too far’ was not very far at all, it was a bit further than downstairs!

I have gone from morning and night time ibuprofen to taking the maximum dose of paracetamol and ibuprofen each day that I can, and it still isn’t enough – just taking off the worst of the ache but not touching the twinges. Yesterday evening my left knee locked and I stood in the kitchen thinking, ok – it will unlock as usual but it’s going to hurt. I could only unlock it by lifting my weight off it altogether and standing on my right leg, which was fine last night but won’t be so easy in a couple of weeks if it happens just after my right hip surgery.

During the day, I have been aware for some time that there is so much I can manage and that anything else – dropping something, anything not going quite right and the way it was planned – is an extra effort that is hard, and that I get tired very easily. I think this now must all be related to this back and hip pain, and is getting worse. 

It is still hard to find a comfortable sleeping position, but after my sleepless night I went to bed and slept all night the next (bar the usual trips to the loo) and up until after 9am the next morning. Even then I didn’t really want to get up, which is unusual for me.

I suppose now, having been afraid of the surgery, I just want to get on with it and start being ‘fixed’.    Hourglass

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